Stupid Infomercials

So there I was...

...took a day off from work and had decided to do absolutely nothing. Chris was on a business trip so I had the day (and house) to myself. We have DirecTV and I had a multitude of shows to watch as they had collected on the DVR and I had been lax in watching them. Perfect, I think, I will use my day off to slog thru them so I can delete them from the hard drive so they can build up again and I have to take another day off in the future to go thru the same routine...

It was about 9am when I headed to the basement to start this marathon brain drain. I had just finished watching a couple of episodes of Monk (or Psych) and was just about to dive into The Daily Show with John Stewart when I noticed that the little screen in the upper right-hand corner of my TV was showing some inane infomercial that happened to be on live TV at the moment. I was not quick enough with the remote and I got sucked into it. What did I get sucked into, you may ask? Rockin' Body, that's what. It's the latest and greatest set of workout DVDs that teaches you how to dance the pounds away (think "Sweatin' to the Oldies" for a younger generation).

As I sat there, fighting every compulsion to watch, I was sucked in if for nothing else but to ridicule the poor souls who would buy into it. 30 minutes later I *WAS* one of those poor souls and I KNEW it. I started thinking about how I dance at weddings (including my own) and get all icky and sweaty and feel as if I had gotten a good workout "just having fun." I started rationalizing the simplicity of the concept and noted the website the show was advertising to "check into it later...just out of curiosity."

I sat on the urge to buy this 7-DVD set that came with all other sorts of bells and whistles "if I acted now." I know from experience that the "deal" never goes away because the "deal" is just a marketer's ploy to instill a sense of urgency in you so you buy before you think it thru. I know that the website will have the same "deal" because how does the company know exactly when one of these infomercials runs to know that I need to act in the next 18 minutes? It's all a game. I KNOW this, and I still keep the website in my proverbial back pocket "just in case".

I was able to hold out for a grand total of 5 days. Over those 5 days I continued to talk myself into what a good idea it would be - I mean, it's dancing, how bad could it be? I like to dance. Why not learn some new moves and work out at the same time? I still knew I was being pulled in by flashy advertising, but I'd like to think I wasn't one of those crazed fans buying the next best thing that will be my miracle cure ("THIS is the key to fitting into a size 4...not those seven OTHER DVD sets and exercise machines I just HAD to have..."). No, I figured it was "only" $60 and, worst case, my Pilates for Dummies DVD would have company collecting dust if it didn't pan out (because you *know* that even though that's "worst case" it's also "most likely!").

So I bought the set. It came with a bunch of other crap I didn't want, but it's not like you can tell them to not send it along. I did, however, say no to every other damn thing they tried to sell me before I even got to the part where I actually pay. "Hey, Shopper, you're gullible (and seemingly ready to unload your hard-earned cash at the drop of a hat)...how about buying some more stuff you'll never use for just 4 easy payments of $199.99 more??" No thanks, just give me the $60 thing that I'll use once and probably never again after that.

I finally got the package two days ago - 10 days after I bought it - which is their version of "express delivery" that they made a point of telling me I was "upgraded" to as part of the "deal." Whatev.

The best part? I watched them today in my home office sipping a glass of wine.

Now that's what I call a workout.